Education, intervention key in domestic violence

By Janice Hayes Kyser

Contributing Writer

LOS ANGELES — Dayna Coles grew up with no clear idea of what a healthy relationship should look like. Her parents showed her love and support but frequently argued, spewing cruel and demeaning things to each other.

“Chaos, confusion and disrespect was the model of intimate love I was exposed to,” said Coles, speaking under a pseudonym.

Not surprisingly, that troubling foundation found its way into her early relationships with boys.

“In high school, my boyfriend put me down, called me names and tried to control my every move. It started out as verbal abuse and escalated from there,” said Coles, now 28. “At the time I thought that behavior was his version of love. We would break up and make up, but eventually I was able to call it off and walk away.”

Years later when she attended a series of workshops on consent and boundaries sponsored by Los Angeles-based Positive Results Center, a nonprofit that teaches youth about healthy relationships, Coles gained the tools to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship.

“Attending those workshops showed me I had the power to stop the cycle of abuse,” said Coles, who graduated from Cal State Dominguez Hills with a degree in psychology.

“I knew I deserved better than what my mom got — I just didn’t know what to look for.”

Today, Coles is a youth outreach coordinator for Positive Results Center, sharing her story — and the lessons she’s learned from it — with young men and women who may face similar circumstances. That story, while disturbing and painful, is far from unique.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Statistics show that there’s an urgent need for domestic violence intervention programs for Black youth.

According to the Childhood Domestic Violence Association, Black teens experience domestic violence at twice the rate of their white peers. Youth dating violence can include physical and sexual violence, psychological aggression, stalking and cyber-bullying.

One in three U.S. teens experience some form of dating or intimate partner violence, studies show, with rates in Black communities often much higher due to economic instability, historical trauma, racial discrimination, and systemic inequities.

Kandee Lewis, executive director of Positive Results Center, says addressing this reality requires targeted prevention, culturally competent support and policies that improve access to safe, confidential resources.

“Unfortunately, like Coles, so many of our young people have not been exposed to healthy relationships in their homes,” Lewis said. “In an increasingly violent world we have to find ways to reach our youth and show them another way.”

The center has mentored thousands of youths in schools, churches and community organizations throughout metro Los Angeles.

“We believe people who know they are loved, are taught to believe in themselves, and given an opportunity to excel, can live amazing lives,” Lewis said.

Lizet Vera, an educator at Animo Watts College Preparatory Academy, says she’s witnessed the power of Positive Results Center’s programs to transform lives.

“Through PRC’s work and mentorship, our girls began to tackle deeply engrained negative beliefs about the correlation between self-worth and body image and male acceptance,” Vera said. “Kandee and her team helped students unpack where the negative self-talk was coming from and work through signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships. It was incredible to see the “lightbulb” moments for our students and watch how their confidence, reflective skills, and knowledge on the topic of healthy relationships with others and with themselves increased.”

KW Tulloss, pastor of Weller Street Missionary Baptist Church In Los Angeles, says Black churches have a responsibility to shine a light on the issue of domestic violence in the community. That’s why he opened the doors of his church to the Positive Results Center.

“We cannot ignore the elephant in the living room,” said Tulloss, former president of the Baptist Minister’s Conference of Los Angeles. “We cannot continue to normalize violence based on what we see in our homes, in media, our families and beyond.”

For Black youth domestic violence prevention must address racism, says Syliva M. Gribbell, directing manager of trauma informed services and education at the L.A.-based Survivor Justice Center. The center provides legal advocacy and supportive services to low-income victims of domestic violence.

“Black identity is not a cause of violence,” Gribbell said. “Culturally responsive services that recognize systemic barriers and community strengths can reinforce respect and safety by ensuring youth are heard, believed and connected to practical support.”

Bernita R. Walker, CEO of Project Peacemakers Inc., a South L.A.-based nonprofit she founded in 1995, knows firsthand how violence and coercion can erode self-esteem.

She was 14 years old when she says her 15-year-old boyfriend put a gun to her head and a knife to her throat. It wasn’t until her brother threatened the young man that she was able to escape the abuse.

Years later, as an adult, she would find herself in another unhealthy union. Having survived both situations, she vowed to dedicate her life to educating and empowering others who found themselves in similar circumstances.   

A former L.A. County sheriff deputy, Walker was part of a social club when during a discussion about a pending bill to protect people from domestic violence, club members discovered they had all been impacted by abusive relationships.

“We were surprised and saddened to find out we had all been through domestic violence,” said Walker, now 80 and an advocate for domestic violence victims for nearly 50 years. “We weren’t sure what we were going to do, but we knew we had to do something to help Black women and children break the cycle.”

Walker says a big part of the solution to curbing domestic violence in the Black community can be found in self-love.

“When you think highly of yourself you are going to recognize the red flags and know that control, jealousy and other manipulative behaviors are not love,” Walker said. “I wish more people would be honest and speak up and share their truths.

“There is nothing to be ashamed of. Domestic violence is a sickness, it’s a disease and we have to heal from it.”

For warning signs of being in an abusive relationship, see: https://wavepublication.com/warning-signs-you-are-in-an-abusive-relationship/ 

Janice Hayes Kyser is a freelance writer for Wave Newspapers.