Warning signs you are in an abusive relationship

Wave Staff Report

Extreme Jealousy: Jealousy is a sign of insecurity, lack of trust and control, but often abusers claim it’s a sign of love. Abusers often question the victim about who they talk to, accuse them of flirting or be jealous of the time they spend with family and friends.

Controlling Behavior: This is where one partner completely dominates the relationship and makes all of the rules. This can include “checking up” on the victim, checking their cell phone email or website history, checking their car odometer and questioning the victim about their comings and goings.

Love Bombing: This is where the abuser comes on strong at the outset of the relationship pressuring for a commitment and claiming their undying love.

Unrealistic Expectations: Abusers expect their partners to be their end all and be all, to meet their all their needs and to be “perfect.”

Isolation: Abusers try to keep their victims all to themselves, separating them from family and friends and putting down everyone they know.

Mood Swings: One minute the abuser if charming and sweet and the next minute they become angry and explosive. Both of these behaviors are typical of people who beat their partners.

Blaming Others: Abusers rarely take responsibility for their actions; rather they blame everyone and everything else for their problems including the victims.

Forceful Sexual Advances The abuser may demand sex, use force to obtain sex and ask the victim to do things they are not comfortable doing.

Verbal Abuse. It is not uncommon for the abuser to say mean and degrading things to victims such as calling them stupid and saying they can’t function without them. They often go out of their way to embarrass the victim in front of others.

Use of Violence or Threats of Violence: In addition to putting hands on their victims, by hitting, grabbing or shoving them or holding them against their will abusers often throw things to or break things precious to the victim to create an environment of control and chaos. Threats such as “I’ll kill you.” Or “I’ll break your neck,” are also common.

Need Help?: If you think you may be a victim of domestic or sexual violence, call the National Domestic Violence Awareness Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

Source: Bernita R. Walker, CEO of Project Peacemakers Inc.